Christmas holidays..I dread them. Usually I’m not a fan of holidays in general – airports and bus stations are full, tickets are ultra expensive, traffic is crazy and a lot of people act like they left their brains at home before leaving for town. This year though I didn’t plan on going to see my folks but caved in finally and I’m glad I did. It was fun to see everyone again and just generally be with family. My waist line also enjoyed the break since on my way out I couldn’t fit into the jeans I came with and had to buy a new pair. What wasn’t fun however was the constant litany of “when are you going to get married?” It’s bad enough coming from my parents but with the extended family around, it was unbearable. I kept thinking I was going to snap, come down one morning in drag and sashay up and down so that everyone would leave me alone. Knowing my folks though, that would be the beginning of the end as they would analyse the situation to death and ask every question imaginable – none of that “sweep it under the rug” or “let’s not ever discuss it” for them and I’m sure I can handle that yet. As much as I love my parents and cherish them, there is a part of me that fears that I may start avoiding them if they keep harping on this issue. Honestly New Year’s eve couldn’t come fast enough so I could go home and get back to work.
I love my job – I have to say it. I get bored very easily and it gives me a mix of different things in a way that I can handle. There seems to be a certain growing trend that involves people constantly saying negative things about their work – especially people who are in a position to change it if they so desire. I’m all for making the best of a bad situation especially if you have no other choices and while I’ll admit that there certain work-type situations I’d never want to be in (and I feel for people caught up in such trouble), I really don’t get people with high-paying jobs who complain all the time as if it’s somehow ‘cool’ to do so. It isn’t. However this year it has been so busy that I truly got caught up in it, it seems one minute it was the third of January and I’m going back to work and the next minute it’s the 27th. I guess my one resolution is to try not to get lost in work and focus a little bit more on the people in my life.
This year I have a lot of major decisions to make in my life and I’m wondering how I’m going to cope. I have spent countless hours trying to map out a 10-year course but I can’t seem to reach a workable solution. It takes me up to 30 minutes to decide what to have at dinner, and sometimes going out for an evening means 2 hours of throwing my closet upside down to pick out a pair of jeans and a tee shirt (add an extra hour if it’s a dress up affair). I’m not sure I’m even qualified to make such a decision about anyone’s life least of all mine but I have to make a plan and soon.
To add onto all this, my boyfriend of one year wants us to move somewhere that’s it’s legal to be gay and create a life there. While I’m thrilled at the idea of living in a place that we can kiss on the street if we so desire, I don’t know if it’s a good enough reason to move – jobs are not so easy to find these days and if there’s no hope of career advancement then there’s no point. Inasmuch as it’s difficult being gay, at least we have each other and they are certainly other gay men and women living life and being themselves here and they are thriving. Sometimes I think we should work towards improving the situation for ourselves and changing the negative stereotypes people have concerning gay people as opposed to moving where it’s more comfortable. I’m not saying I’m going to carry a placard and protest in front of the Ministry of Justice or anything but it is a possibility. I have researched his idea and have the decision that I’m not ready at this time to move. I haven’t told him yet though. I’d like the first month of the year to be over before we have our first fight of the year since I have a feeling if we fight now, we’ll fight all year long – a bizarre idea but I’m superstitious like that.
Which brings me to a nagging side question: at what point in a relationship does a boyfriend situation become a “partnership”? Is there a need for a formal declaration of the changed status before both parties can use the term?