Tag Archives: random


I heard of a young man (within two degrees of separation), handsome and smart who committed suicide by shooting himself with his father’s gun. He had been troubled, sad, frustrated and felt he had no one to talk to. He cloaked his inner turmoil in humour, cleverness and life-of-the-party-ness. When he couldn’t handle it any more, he stopped.

For a while I’ve felt overwhelmed. I feel the weight of having to be responsible. Friendly. Sensible. Lacking the African shoulder chip. Feeling worthy of something when I know I didn’t put in enough work. Having to be capable. Smart. Funny. Fun. Caring. Confident. Knowledgeable when I feel like a fraud.

And I’m tired. I don’t want to see another therapist. Sometimes I feel I learned much more of psychologists than they ever did of me. How they attempt to shape your treatment based on what they think is right for you and not what is actually right – if ‘right’ actually exists. How they live vicariously through your own experiences. But I’m so tired of having to wear masks everyday. I want to run away to a place that I don’t have to be polite. Responsible. Sane. Reasonable. Friendly. I want to ride the wave of the anger, joy, happiness, irrationality, redness, light, darkness, weakness, power, nothingness that I feel rising higher and higher inside me and see where it takes me. I want to retreat so far into myself that the world ceases to exist. I don’t want to wear a mask today.

But I fear that if I give in, I will never find my way back. I cannot afford that. And so as I put on another mask and leave home, I believe everything will be okay.

I will be okay.


1 Comment

Posted by on June 30, 2014 in Mind, Body and Soul, Uncategorized


Tags: , , , ,

Funny But True: Black Gay Stereotypes

I read this awhile ago but forgot where I saw it. Just happened to come across the site again today and it’s still as funny as the first time I read it! We all know stereotypes are usually a little more than caricatures of the types of people they portray but  I read this article and it’s like the writer is talking about some of my buddies. Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on March 24, 2012 in Randomness


Tags: , , , , ,

%d bloggers like this: