How To Break Up With The Love of Your Life

Recently a friend sent me the following children’s tale about the pig and the scorpion:

One day the pig and the scorpion wanted to cross a pond. The pig could swim but the scorpion couldn’t. 

The scorpion said, “pig let me ride your back across the pond!”

Pig: “No! You will sting me and we will both drown and die.”

Scorpion: ” Now why would I do that, it makes no sense?”

Pig: ” Okay, hop on!”

As they reached the middle of the pond the scorpion stings the pig and they begin to drown.

Pig: “Why did you do that? Now we are both going to die!”

Scorpion: “It’s in my nature!”

(How come many so-called children’s stories have such dark themes?)

When I was much younger, a friend told me she strongly believed that if everyone in the whole world died and I was the last living person, it wouldn’t bother me in the least. It was not a compliment. This assessment of my personality came out of nowhere and it still bothers me that someone could think me that unfeeling.  I’m beginning to wonder if it’s really in my nature to be so difficult in interpersonal relationships and whether I am destined to be alone. I recently broke up with my boyfriend of almost two years and these past couple of weeks have been difficult.

 

When The Word “NO” Means Freedom

Recently at work, someone described me as a “people-pleaser”. Instead of becoming defensive like my coworker expected, I laughed. The truth is that I was a “yes man” and to some extent, I still am. The episode reminded reminded of some advice an old friend gave me which was that if she could teach me to learn (and live by) one word alone, it would be “NO“. I constantly found myself trying to satisfy everyone’s needs but my own, constantly putting others above myself, convinced that to put my own desires first was to be selfish. I now know that  I became this person because I wanted people to like me and value me for I did not value myself.  I pretended to be “happy to help” when all I wanted to do was toss some very nasty phrases at the people who made annoying requests especially the ones who knew that they really were asking too much.

 

Growing Pains II: A New Plan For A New Year

 

I found this beautiful passage on growing old and it’s a brilliant take on a topic very few gay men and women in my experience want to talk about: aging.

Let’s face it: we will ALL grow old. The end of the cycle of life really is aging and death. What matters isn’t that we do but the attitude we have as we are doing it.