There’s a news story making its way through the Ghanaian media about a medical doctor who had sex with a senior high school student and infected him with HIV. The major legal issue is that they had sex when the boy in question was 15 and therefore under the age of consent. Currently homosexuality is one of the most controversial and sensational topics that one will find discussed in the media and by the public and usually the LGBTIQ people involved are usually young, flashy and feminine gay men who are bold enough to come forward and speak their mind. This is the first time in a long time someone considered a ‘respectable’ member of society has been involved in such a story. Read the rest of this entry »
My ex and I started talking after his birthday. I made the first move – called him up, sent him a gift that he really liked (I know him that well) . Everything seemed to be going well. We would chat every couple of days about life, work etc. It was nice to talk without all the drama of being in a relationship and I saw some of the qualities that made me like him in the first place.Eventually he came into town and we met up for a chat which then turned into having hot coffee. To keep it short, I’d say the coffee was so good I could write a sonnet about it.
Anyway we talked about the things that went wrong, including the fact that we both cheated on each other (nothing new there). All of a sudden, he wanted to know just how many people I had slept with while we were together. I was taken aback by this, considering I didn’t think it was important and he had already showed an inability to deal with sexual numbers. After days of constantly harassing via phone and social media, I capitulated and told him. While it was by no means a huge amount, it was more than his and he went into a rage, called me all sorts of names, said he was very disappointed in me, that I had made him look stupid. After that he stopped responding to my messages and proceeded to put up posts on Facebook about getting out of horrible situations, or not knowing how bad someone is until you meet a better person. While I’m not saying that that I’m reason for the posts, I cannot find any other reason for this new theme. Ah well…
If I didn’t know then that I was making the right decision, I now know that I am. Conflicts are hard, life in general is hard and we shouldn’t quarrel or hold grudges if there is at all the possibility of settling things. I’ve not been a serious Christian in a while but one of the things that I hold dear settling things and not bearing grudges, regardless of whose fault the issue at hand is. At this point, I think we both messed up but if he feels I hurt him more, I see no reason not to say sorry. It doesn’t mean that I think the fault is all mine, I just think it’s the right thing to do. Occasionally I struggle with the feeling that my emotional responses are not deep enough and this time I feel that I’m not sorry enough for what I did even though I feel terrible about it (I’m not sure if this makes sense). Even after sending him messages and trying to call him, he has so far ignored me. I think it’s really over now. Though I feel a bit sad, I don’t feel a twinge of regret. As I’m moving to a different country for a while, we won’t have to see each other for some time so maybe it will be easier for both us to sort out our feelings.
But now I find myself taking a break from packing my things because I found something he gave me which I know I don’t need but I can’t seem to part with. I wish I could be completely over him right now and not have to freeze when I run into situations like this.
I remember the last time I saw him: he had spent a few days at my place and was leaving. While we held each other for a few minutes. I looked across the room into the mirror, looked at the both us and felt at peace. I keep wondering why everything had to turn sour. One of the things I didn’t envision was how much the changes in my life would affect me after becoming single again. Even though we didn’t really live together and it was a bit strained at the end, I find that I miss the little things: having someone to talk to at the end of the day, someone who is in your corner all the time yet can tell you the truth when you’re messing up. Or even just waking up to see a message from him and knowing that no matter how bad your day is, he’ll be there at the end of it. I’m so used to talking to him everyday that I feel a bit lost. My friends tell me I need to go out and have fun and by fun they mean sex, but I’m not even interested in getting down. I want to close my eyes and wake up without feelings of failure and doubt, among others.
He asked me the day after we broke up why I “threw him away” if I did indeed feel as strongly as I claimed to, why I didn’t want to work on us. After I thought about it – the idea of working through our problems via phone calls and text, as well as the actual problems themselves – I realised that I had made the right choice. I tried to check up on him for a few days but after receiving one-word replies, I have decided to let him be. His birthday is a few days away and I’m not sure if it’s acceptable for me to call or text or just not say anything. I bought him a birthday present months ago but now I’m not sure if I should give it to him because I don’t know if he’d want anything from me at this point. I worry about him a lot, given his propensity for excess when he has problems and I hate that I’m contributing to them. On the other hand I’m seemed to have immersed myself in work which I guess is a good thing after all action is the enemy of thought. I want to talk about what I’m going through but I don’t want to be that guy who goes on and on about a breakup. It doesn’t help that I have gotten more calls than usual this week from family and friends wanting to set me up with another nice girl.
Recently a friend sent me the following children’s tale about the pig and the scorpion:
One day the pig and the scorpion wanted to cross a pond. The pig could swim but the scorpion couldn’t.
The scorpion said, “pig let me ride your back across the pond!”
Pig: “No! You will sting me and we will both drown and die.”
Scorpion: ” Now why would I do that, it makes no sense?”
Pig: ” Okay, hop on!”
As they reached the middle of the pond the scorpion stings the pig and they begin to drown.
Pig: “Why did you do that? Now we are both going to die!”
Scorpion: “It’s in my nature!”
(How come many so-called children’s stories have such dark themes?)
When I was much younger, a friend told me she strongly believed that if everyone in the whole world died and I was the last living person, it wouldn’t bother me in the least. It was not a compliment. This assessment of my personality came out of nowhere and it still bothers me that someone could think me that unfeeling. I’m beginning to wonder if it’s really in my nature to be so difficult in interpersonal relationships and whether I am destined to be alone. I recently broke up with my boyfriend of almost two years and these past couple of weeks have been difficult. Read the rest of this entry »
One of the things I enjoy about science fiction books on robotics and artificial intelligence is that I get to explore what different writers think about the human behaviour in a different light and what they consider the most important aspects of being human. The eminent author Isaac Asimov put forward three laws of robotics in his robot series, the third law being that “a robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Laws”, in other words a robot or being capable of rational thought should never place itself in a situation which would lead to its damage or demise except if it’s to protect someone. So it is with human beings: when we touch a hot object, we immediately remove our hands, when we see people who could harm us we avoid them but we would do anything to protect the people we love. To consciously take our own lives and override all the genetic and evolutionary mechanisms geared towards our self-preservation is an incredible act of will and conviction, indicating the strength of the internal turmoil that we are facing and are unable to handle. Read the rest of this entry »
There was a time that I was very much involved with church and its many activities. Some of these churches literally take up every single day of the week with meetings, prayer sessions and so on. One of the churches I was attending at the time (I would often go to two churches at the same period and actively participate in both) had a very charismatic pastor who had just started a week-long series on sin and temptation. A major talking point in his message(s) was that to be holy and keep ourselves that way, we should cut out/off anything that may predispose us to sin and an important “doorway to sin” was music. Read the rest of this entry »
I came across this article on African politics and homophobia via Identity Kenya which set out to find out why many African governments have such a strong anti-gay stance. Its major observation was that many politicians and government officials use homophobia as a tool to divert the attention of the masses away from the lack of support structures, the growing corruption and unstable economies. In other words homophobia has become a bunch of keys for distracting children(citizens) whilst their toys(money) are taken away from them. Read the rest of this entry »
Recently at work, someone described me as a “people-pleaser”. Instead of becoming defensive like my coworker expected, I laughed. The truth is that I was a “yes man” and to some extent, I still am. The episode reminded reminded of some advice an old friend gave me which was that if she could teach me to learn (and live by) one word alone, it would be “NO“. I constantly found myself trying to satisfy everyone’s needs but my own, constantly putting others above myself, convinced that to put my own desires first was to be selfish. I now know that I became this person because I wanted people to like me and value me for I did not value myself. I pretended to be “happy to help” when all I wanted to do was toss some very nasty phrases at the people who made annoying requests especially the ones who knew that they really were asking too much. Read the rest of this entry »
Pope Benedict XVI has decided to step down from the highest office in the Vatican come February 28th. This is the first time in nearly six hundred years that a pope has resigned (the last was Pope Gregory XII who did so in 1415 in order to end the Western Schism). According to a Vatican statement, he reached this (very unexpected) decision due to progressive deterioration of his health saying “after having repeatedly examined my conscience before God, I have come to the certainty that my strengths, due to an advanced age, are no longer suited to an adequate exercise of the Petrine ministry”. Considering the very condemning words he has used on LGBTIQ and his involvement in covering up the shameful incidences of sexual abuse in the Catholic church, I will take the high road and wish him good health. I will however leave you with a picture I received from a friend which made me titter uncontrollably for a good minute.
A former presidential candidate for an independent party, Mr Kwesi Amoafo-Yeboah, has come out publicly to say he supports gay rights and would support any groups advancing the agenda that gay people should be free to live as the choose. He called homosexuality “a ‘victim-less’ crime” since “it is between consenting adults in the privacy of their bedrooms” adding “let’s focus our energies on stuff that really hurt people.” He also said that “we are all God’s children and we all deserve to be loved. I will disagree with any religious leader or indeed anybody who says that homosexuals deserve to be cast out of society”. Read the rest of this entry »
Purple Gloves 