My ex and I started talking after his birthday. I made the first move – called him up, sent him a gift that he really liked (I know him that well) . Everything seemed to be going well. We would chat every couple of days about life, work etc. It was nice to talk without all the drama of being in a relationship and I saw some of the qualities that made me like him in the first place.Eventually he came into town and we met up for a chat which then turned into having hot coffee. To keep it short, I’d say the coffee was so good I could write a sonnet about it.
Anyway we talked about the things that went wrong, including the fact that we both cheated on each other (nothing new there). All of a sudden, he wanted to know just how many people I had slept with while we were together. I was taken aback by this, considering I didn’t think it was important and he had already showed an inability to deal with sexual numbers. After days of constantly harassing via phone and social media, I capitulated and told him. While it was by no means a huge amount, it was more than his and he went into a rage, called me all sorts of names, said he was very disappointed in me, that I had made him look stupid. After that he stopped responding to my messages and proceeded to put up posts on Facebook about getting out of horrible situations, or not knowing how bad someone is until you meet a better person. While I’m not saying that that I’m reason for the posts, I cannot find any other reason for this new theme. Ah well…
If I didn’t know then that I was making the right decision, I now know that I am. Conflicts are hard, life in general is hard and we shouldn’t quarrel or hold grudges if there is at all the possibility of settling things. I’ve not been a serious Christian in a while but one of the things that I hold dear settling things and not bearing grudges, regardless of whose fault the issue at hand is. At this point, I think we both messed up but if he feels I hurt him more, I see no reason not to say sorry. It doesn’t mean that I think the fault is all mine, I just think it’s the right thing to do. Occasionally I struggle with the feeling that my emotional responses are not deep enough and this time I feel that I’m not sorry enough for what I did even though I feel terrible about it (I’m not sure if this makes sense). Even after sending him messages and trying to call him, he has so far ignored me. I think it’s really over now. Though I feel a bit sad, I don’t feel a twinge of regret. As I’m moving to a different country for a while, we won’t have to see each other for some time so maybe it will be easier for both us to sort out our feelings.
But now I find myself taking a break from packing my things because I found something he gave me which I know I don’t need but I can’t seem to part with. I wish I could be completely over him right now and not have to freeze when I run into situations like this.
September 29, 2013 at 10:40 am
My blogging brother, it appears that you’re moving on. That’s a good thing. You’ve made efforts to apologize, it’s best to put it behind you now and begin the next adventure. Great post! Much love and naked hugs! 🙂
September 29, 2013 at 10:52 am
Thanks buddy! Much love 🙂
September 29, 2013 at 12:01 pm
Just continue to listen to your inner voice. You both have blame to share, but it is not a matter of who has more, or whose is worse. You are growing as a person, and that’s a beautiful part of life. Good post.
September 29, 2013 at 4:21 pm
September 29, 2013 at 7:42 pm
D.C….similar to you, I’ve been there as well, and fortunately me, we are still on good terms. One thing I do know thou, is I can’t hang on to grudges. They wear me out mentally and cloud my mind from the positive things I want to do going forward. Good luck D.C., and keep moving forward.
September 30, 2013 at 5:25 am
Thank you Tom!
September 29, 2013 at 11:18 pm
Bruh. You’re good.
You’re not even supposed to ask unless you’re ready for an answer.
and you’re not allowed to act based on the number provided
those are the rules. #GayBroCode.
September 30, 2013 at 5:30 am
Thanks! That surprised me because I don’t ask questions when I’m not ready for whatever the answer is. I’m glad that my conscience is clear where he’s concerned.