New Rules of Engagement

04 Aug

penguinsI remember the last time I saw him: he had spent a few days at my place and was leaving. While we held each other for a few minutes. I looked across the room into the mirror, looked at the both us and felt at peace. I keep wondering why everything had to turn sour. One of the things I didn’t envision was how much  the changes in my life would affect me after becoming single again. Even though we didn’t really live together and it was a bit strained at the end, I find that I miss the little things: having someone to talk to at the end of the day, someone who is in your corner all the time yet can tell you the truth when you’re messing up. Or even just waking up to see a message from him and knowing that no matter how bad your day is, he’ll be there at the end of it. I’m so used to talking to him everyday that I feel a bit lost. My friends tell me I need to go out and have fun and by fun they mean sex, but I’m not even interested in getting down. I want to close my eyes and wake up without feelings of failure and doubt, among others.

He asked me the day after we broke up why I “threw him away” if I did indeed feel as strongly as I claimed to, why I didn’t want to work on us. After I thought about it – the idea of working through our problems via phone calls and text, as well as the actual problems themselves – I realised that I had made the right choice. I tried to check up on him for a few days but after receiving one-word replies, I have decided to let him be. His birthday is a few days away and I’m not sure if it’s acceptable for me to call or text or just not say anything. I bought him a birthday present months ago but now I’m not sure if I should give it to him because I don’t know if he’d want anything from me at this point. I worry about him a lot, given his propensity for excess when he has problems and I hate that I’m contributing to them. On the other hand I’m seemed to have immersed myself in work which I guess is a good thing after all action is the enemy of thought. I want to talk about what I’m going through but I don’t want to be that guy who goes on and on about a breakup. It doesn’t help that I have gotten more calls than usual this week from family and friends wanting to set me up with another nice girl.

I think I need a break.


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14 responses to “New Rules of Engagement

  1. Tom Janus

    August 4, 2013 at 11:40 pm

    D.C….no doubt, talking about it helps…so talk all you want, like you have been, and when you feel that you’ve said all there is to say, then hopefully, you find some closure to this chapter of your life.

    • D.C.

      August 5, 2013 at 5:42 am

      Thanks Tom.

  2. aguywithoutboxers

    August 4, 2013 at 11:55 pm

    Hey my blogging brother and friend, it doesn’t help, but know that almost all of us have survived at least one break-up in our lives. Hang in there, buddy. Write him an email, save it as a draft, then leave it in your folder for three days. Re-read it and either delete or send. Your choice. Give him the gift, it’s from you to him and on the card write the date you bought/made it. Once it’s presented to him, he can decide what to do with it.

    Stay focused at work. You’ll know when you feel like going out again, with friends for fun or for sex.

    For whatever it’s worth. I support you. I’m sincere when I offer you: much love and naked hugs!

    • D.C.

      August 5, 2013 at 5:44 am


  3. Vincent

    August 5, 2013 at 12:14 am

    whatever you think you need, whatever you think you need to say (or not say), whatever you want, do that–and then let it be. you do and will find the inner strength and peace to move on to the next moment(s) in your journey. know that you are held close.

    • D.C.

      August 5, 2013 at 5:45 am

      Thank you Vincent.

  4. keredim69

    August 5, 2013 at 4:43 am

    And This Too Shall Pass………

    I agree with all the previous comments. Though, I still say shag it out to help dull the pain….Oh and the gym too helps…

    • D.C.

      August 5, 2013 at 5:45 am

      LOL! Thanks

  5. Rich Goyer

    August 5, 2013 at 7:31 am

    Good stuff

  6. manleben

    August 5, 2013 at 8:22 am

    While I have never had a break up situation with anyone, I know exactly how you feel as I have been a pseudo therapist for all my friends during times of break ups. All I can add is surround yourself with good friends and positive people. Take a break from everyone if indeed be (go on a trip somewhere like Cape Coast, Kumasi etc) and remember that your happiness is of vital importance. xx

    • D.C.

      August 5, 2013 at 7:52 pm

      Thanks 🙂

  7. Michael Taggart Photography

    August 5, 2013 at 7:36 pm

    On the birthday – Yes to text and yes to giving him the gift since you already bought it.

    It it’s too early for him to accept it then that’s fine. From your perspective, though, it sounds like that is unfinished business and it’s always a good idea to be complete.

    What you are really missing is the way you were with him. The way your day was with someone in your life. That does suck : (

    All the best – Michael

    • D.C.

      August 5, 2013 at 7:54 pm

      I think I will talk to him and give it to him. You hit the nail on the head..


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