An Unnecessary Misadventure Courtesy of Carelessness

22 May

face palm countdownI was hanging out with an older cousin recently when she asked to see my phone. I don’t know if I had momentarily forgotten the kind of information I keep on that device or if I was subconsciously trying to out myself. To cut a short story even shorter, I gave the phone to her then spent the next five minutes holding my breath while feigning nonchalance though my eyes were involuntarily drawn to the screen as she scrolled through my applications list and past the popular gay chat apps – Grindr etc. My heart responded to every click  with a loud thud. When she asked if I could direct her to my gallery, I immediately snatched my phone and pretended I had to respond to an email because there was NO WAY I was going to let her see my pictures. I wasn’t in any sexually or otherwise compromising photos but there were some I’d rather she didn’t see.

Which brings me to a question I hadn’t ever thought about: do heterosexual people know about gay mobile chat apps?

If a guy sees your phone, sees Grindr on it and gives you a weird look, does that mean he’s probably gay?

With all the gay gay gay in the news these days, everyone seems to know some of the lingo. Currently three people know about me and whilst one keeps praying it’s a phase I’ll grow out of (my response to her was don’t hold your breath!), the other two keep asking whether I’m top or bottom. I’m not sure whether to be surprised that they know the terms or that they felt that they could ask something so private with the same casual tone one would use when asking another to pass the salt.

Interesting also is the sort of people on the apps. Most often, I use them as a form of comic relief since theken guys there are so unreal. They have enormous lists of likes and dislikes, lists that indicate that they will remain single for the near and far future. With the country becoming even more attractive to international investors, a lot of travellers are on these apps and most often request for appendages so humongous that you wonder whether they are trying to have casual sex or breed a whale. These requests are so ubiquitous that a couple of my friends think all Europeans are hyper-skilled ‘catchers’ until proven otherwise. All I ask of these size queens is that they may kindly inform the Ministry of Tourism after finding the gigantic appendages of their heart’s desires so that these guys may be approached and  compensated for their service to the country since they are clearly bringing in a lot of foreign exchange into the country and are a huge asset to the hospitality industry in particular.


Posted by on May 22, 2013 in Randomness


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6 responses to “An Unnecessary Misadventure Courtesy of Carelessness

  1. Clare Flourish

    May 22, 2013 at 12:27 pm

    I was innocently delighted with the English Marriage (Same Sex Couples) Bill until someone pointed out to me the transphobic nature of the very cumbersome provisions around marriages where one of the partners is transsexual. It still is a wonderful symbol of equality, showing society as a whole has definitively moved on and the bigots can stay left behind if they really really want- and it has this nasty stuff in it, which will bite any trans person as soon as their marriage gets rocky.

    I kind of feel this is a similar question. Do they know, and does it matter?

    I was blethering on to a friend about transfer pricing- evil capitalist stuff- and suddenly realised: she knew all this already. Some do, and well, you can’t know who is taking an interest, and in what or why.

    I hope the tourist board would want to encourage the tourism, rather than suddenly start monitoring visitors to make sure they do not indulge in disgusting crimes. You would think- the tourist board-….?

    • D.C.

      May 22, 2013 at 2:00 pm

      That’s very true: people we think do not know of or understand certain issues often surprise us. I don’t think it matters to me if she knows to be honest. Reading your comment reminded me that immediately after looking at my phone, she asked me if I was seeing anyone and whether I had plans to get married (to a woman) soon so she does know..

      Personally I see any monitoring as a waste of time, considering the number of gay people in Ghana these days..

  2. aguywithoutboxers

    May 22, 2013 at 1:37 pm

    My blogging buddy and friend, you have a keen eye for insight! LMFAO! So true! Great post, much love and naked hugs! 🙂

    • D.C.

      May 22, 2013 at 2:00 pm

      Thanks man 😀

  3. Nathan Kennedy

    May 23, 2013 at 2:55 am

    You have an awesome sense of humor, as well as some awesome insights! Thanks for sharing this!

    • D.C.

      May 23, 2013 at 7:52 am

      Thank YOU for reading it 🙂


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