There was a time that I was very much involved with church and its many activities. Some of these churches literally take up every single day of the week with meetings, prayer sessions and so on. One of the churches I was attending at the time (I would often go to two churches at the same period and actively participate in both) had a very charismatic pastor who had just started a week-long series on sin and temptation. A major talking point in his message(s) was that to be holy and keep ourselves that way, we should cut out/off anything that may predispose us to sin and an important “doorway to sin” was music. I have always believed that music is powerful and being brought up by two music-lovers (whose voices are still classified as weapons of mass destruction unfortunately) helped me develop broad tastes. After this moving sermon, I came home and decided that I would have to delete my collection and listen to Christian music only (this resolution lasted for two months). Some of these songs I had acquired through very testing means and I delayed carrying this out for a while. I eventually deleted everything but one group – The Cranberries. I had become a huge fan on discovering them and I especially loved this song since listening to it made me feel like I could really do anything I wanted. It talks about “not being so suicidal after all” which is ironic since at the time, I thought of suicide the way most guys think about sex.
Today in particular, I miss going to church and though I would like to go, I feel like I shouldn’t be going or that I’m not “allowed” to go. I honestly don’t know why.
February 24, 2013 at 4:28 pm
Don’t forget, churches, synagogues, temples, have the human factor. So the principles of your faith are important, but when you add the human factor that does sometimes put us off going. People I find have the need to control and take over. Just a thought. Great read.
February 24, 2013 at 4:35 pm
Yes, a lot of times it’s the human factor, not sure about today though..
February 24, 2013 at 7:21 pm
I hope you found your peace…
February 24, 2013 at 7:28 pm
I’m working on it but not sure if there is an end point..
February 24, 2013 at 7:32 pm
I agree…but I still hope that you find a little sunshine every day and a star in every night sky.
February 24, 2013 at 9:21 pm
Thanks. I wish the same for you too 🙂
February 25, 2013 at 1:32 am
Thank you for sharing this. Too many of our community are alienated from faith by clergy who are filled with hate and homophobia. In my own life, I worked past this by remaining active in the belief community and reminding them all that “I am among you.” Great post.
February 25, 2013 at 4:47 am
February 27, 2013 at 8:30 am
This song runs through my head when I’ve just gotten over writing love letters to sharp knives. Not so suicidal after all, indeed.
My tactic in the United States was to go to a new church when I got the urge. There were so many around, that I could visit a wide variety and fill my need for “church” without committing to any of them or getting involved in their communities.
February 27, 2013 at 11:31 am
One of the things I noticed about churches here was their need to make you a “full member” yet many seemed not to be very interested in you as a person – they were more interested in increasing their numbers. It made easier to be a church “prostitute”, a term my friends called me for jumping from church to church all the time..