My mother and I are quite close and we talk at least once a week, usually for an hour or close to it. So a few days ago I was getting ready to go to a friend’s for lunch when I got a call from her. After going through the recent family gossip (where family includes extended family so this part of the conversation took awhile) we came to the subject of why I’m still not married. I told her I’m not ready for anything that serious and I’d like to focus on my work for now. She said she understood but that I ‘needed’ to be married in two years time. I guess two years are my time limit to telling her the truth since I don’t see myself marrying a woman within this period. On another note does anyone ever need to get married?
Maybe this would have been a good time to tell her the truth but I don’t think it’s right to break such joyous news over the phone. Once again I’m back inside my old self and I begin to feel guilty for being gay, like I’m not a good enough son or I’m not doing all the things a son should be doing, and I wonder if I should just get married just to please them. Then I remember my last relationship with a girl and I snap out of it. It wasn’t that it was horrible or anything because she was an amazing person but I just wasn’t into it at all. It was like going through the motions of a relationship without any emotional involvement and I can’t imagine a life filled with that.
On some level, I think my mother will come to accept me in time even if I do tell her but I know it will take her awhile but I’m not sure I’m ready to put the strength of our relationship to the test. Right now though it seems that in two years I will have to be.