I started using the gym at work recently since I could no longer make time to go to my regular one. I have always avoided it because virtually no one uses it. Most people just stand around and watch who goes in and comment about how these guys just waste their time standing around instead of working out or eat so much then expect to lose weight in five minutes. Yes, I know we’re all not supposed to be bothered about what other people think but I am. Anyway I climbed unto the treadmill, started warming up and cranked up the speed. I then proceeded to slip on the machine and crash, landing with my limbs all over the place.I don’t know how it happened. One minute I was going at a good pace and the next I was trying to make sure I didn’t lose some teeth. Good thing the emergency I’d remembered to attach the emergency stop tether ribbon thing to my shorts. I looked around the room to see if there was anyone watching me but miraculously I was alone. After cleaning my scrapes, I limped to home.
I expected to feel very embarrassed but surprisingly I didn’t. Sure it was a situation worthy of major shame (even though I was alone) but I usually take things like these too seriously and can spend days ruminating over such incidents. It goes back to the feeling of always wanting to be perfect and constantly caring about what people think about me.When I first started this blog, I felt I needed an outlet for all the ideas in my head, a place that I didn’t have to care what people thought about me since no one actually knew me. Looking at my previous posts, I realised that most of them were about events, the ones that were from my personal life didn’t exactly include things that I wanted to talk about, things that bothered me the most. Sure a lot of them were some experiences that I had had, but only in posts that involved Q&A games did I actually say anything about myself. I’ve always conscious of not wanting to be seen as self-absorbed or egotistic, always wanting to be the good guy even though I know I’m certainly no angel. There has always been that feeling that if people got to know the real me, they would certainly not like me since they would see me as inferior, a fraud, a joke. And so I rarely say the things I want to say,try to play the peace keeper and take people’s opinions too seriously.
I think it’s time I just started truly saying, doing the things I want instead of constantly analysing everything to see if it will offend anyone, after all no one really cares. People are busy living their own lives. Sure my mishaps may cause a momentary sadistic pleasure in some but everyone have their own stuff to take care of. At this point if someone seems to be overly interested in what I’m not doing properly, they need to get a life immediately. Also, in worrying about what people think about me, I may have been just a little self-absorbed. The world certainly doesn’t revolve around me .And falling off the treadmill definitely won’t (and didn’t) result in a supernova.