After recently moving house(or tiny apartment to be precise) I found myself without internet access since the phone company were taking forever to come by and set things up. Stuck with a dongle that barely worked after a (relatively) obscene fee with most of my books and other things still in storage, I had to focus on areas on my life that I had ignored for far too long: the people in it. It’s funny how you begin to see things when you pay attention
1. I found out my cousin is gay, bringing the total number of gay cousins I have to two, both of whom don’t know that I’m gay too (I think). Oddly enough I don’t have any “the more the merrier” joy about it. If anything I’m sad because these guys are young and I know the path in front of them isn’t an easy one by any means. They seem to be pretty scene-crazy but who isn’t at first. The only question is whether or not to tell them I know. Maybe I should let sleeping dogs lie this time.
2. I broke up then got back together with my boyfriend. Sure we have our up and downs but this one was too serious for comfort. This, by the way, is my longest relationship ever. He keeps saying that he feels very alone and that I’m aloof and too secretive. Here was I thinking I would win boyfriend of the year whilst I should have been going for Most Deluded in 2012…
Even though we have made up, I’m taking his issues seriously since the last person I was really crazy about (a girl from way way back) said the exact same thing.
3. A friend who I didn’t even know was gay suddenly tells me he’s in love with me. Awkward. We just started talking again after he recently found out about my sexuality due to extreme carelessness on my part and his invasion of my privacy. Even though I could have strangled him a few months ago, I know he’s a good guy but there seems to no way to tell him I’m not interested (not even a little) and still be friends. He keeps saying he’s not really gay (yeah right) just into me. I have told him that we can talk about anything he wants any time he wants but he’s not satisfied. I don’t fancy myself as the gay whisperer and even if I were single, I still wouldn’t wade into this situation.
4. I have a to-do list and by to-do I men types of guys I’d like to do someday (don’t judge). Right at the top, highlighted in fluorescent ink is… an army boy. I finally had the amazing, out-of-this-world luck to meet a genuine army officer and we hit it off. This type of man is so rare over here. But we didn’t get together: I turned him down because of boyfriend above. I’ve never really been a fan of exclusive relationships but I agreed to this one and there is something to be said about keeping your word. I guess I like this guy more than I thought and I’d rather not jeopardize this. I have a feeling I’ll probably spend awhile kicking myself for not taking this opportunity but I can live with that.