I had pretty interesting post-sex conversation with a middle-aged father of four about the benefits and disadvantages of being a closeted gay man. He was of the view that marrying a woman really is the best way since you get to build a “real” family – where a real family is one where there are kids, a home, a life, other things to glue the family together besides sexual desires. Being in a same-sex relationship never works, in his opinion, because it’s based only on lust and/or sex. It’s funny that marital fidelity, which is something that he has sworn to in front of God and man, is not a concept he understands as he was busy telling me this story whilst I was in his bed, hoping he’d pipe down so I could get some sleep.
When I daydream, I usually don’t imagine that I’m straight and I have a wife and kids; I rather see myself with the man of my dreams living together and being accepted by my society, buying a house, adopting kids, being together. I really think my feelings go beyond the sexual. Barring that, I’m not sure if I can live with someone that I’m not really attracted to, live in fear of being discovered, or the significant guilt of constantly sleeping with men. There’s something to be said about being true to who you are always and I’m not certain I would be capable of living life in this way.