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Persona

I heard of a young man (within two degrees of separation), handsome and smart who committed suicide by shooting himself with his father’s gun. He had been troubled, sad, frustrated and felt he had no one to talk to. He cloaked his inner turmoil in humour, cleverness and life-of-the-party-ness. When he couldn’t handle it any more, he stopped.

For a while I’ve felt overwhelmed. I feel the weight of having to be responsible. Friendly. Sensible. Lacking the African shoulder chip. Feeling worthy of something when I know I didn’t put in enough work. Having to be capable. Smart. Funny. Fun. Caring. Confident. Knowledgeable when I feel like a fraud.

And I’m tired. I don’t want to see another therapist. Sometimes I feel I learned much more of psychologists than they ever did of me. How they attempt to shape your treatment based on what they think is right for you and not what is actually right – if ‘right’ actually exists. How they live vicariously through your own experiences. But I’m so tired of having to wear masks everyday. I want to run away to a place that I don’t have to be polite. Responsible. Sane. Reasonable. Friendly. I want to ride the wave of the anger, joy, happiness, irrationality, redness, light, darkness, weakness, power, nothingness that I feel rising higher and higher inside me and see where it takes me. I want to retreat so far into myself that the world ceases to exist. I don’t want to wear a mask today.

But I fear that if I give in, I will never find my way back. I cannot afford that. And so as I put on another mask and leave home, I believe everything will be okay.

I will be okay.

Somehow.

 
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Posted by on June 30, 2014 in Mind, Body and Soul, Uncategorized

 

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A Sexual Wrestling Adventure

http://creativeroots.org/2010/03/senegalese-wrestlers

Senegalese Wrestlers (Dennis Rouvre)

One of the issues that has come up during talks with my psychologist is my hidden desires. We agreed that it was time I explored some of them. As I found myself caught in a wrestler’s sleeper hold a few days later, feeling dizzy but tapping away frantically on the floor, I doubted this was what either of us had in mind. Read the rest of this entry »

 
 

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Will Brunei’s horrid law unite LGBT and women’s activists?

D.C.:

Great piece

Originally posted on 76 CRIMES:

Protesters supporting both LGBT rights and women's rights joined Jay Leno in calling for people to boycott the Beverly Hills Hotel unless its ultimate owner, the Sultan of Brunei, reverses course.

Protesters supporting both LGBT rights and women’s rights joined Jay Leno in calling for people to boycott the Beverly Hills Hotel unless its ultimate owner, the Sultan of Brunei, reverses course.

The celebrity-boosted boycott of the Sultan of Brunei and his Beverly Hills Hotel could open the way for an important partnership of activists supporting women’s rights and those pushing for LGBT rights.

So far, though, little progress has been made in that direction, although a mix of both types of advocates joined former talk show host Jay Leno in his endorsement of the boycott, which targets Brunei’s adoption of sharia rules that repress women and sexual minorities. (See photo above.)

Ellen DeGeneres (Photo courtesy of philnews.ph)

Ellen DeGeneres (Photo courtesy of philnews.ph)

Other celebrities backing the boycott include actor Stephen Fry, TV host Sharon Osbourne, comedian Ellen DeGeneres and billionaire entrepreneur Richard Branson. The Feminist Majority Foundation, co-chaired by Jay and Mavis Leno, pulled its annual…

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Posted by on May 10, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

Messages From Home – Two Bombs and A Mass Kidnapping

Chibok protest  I remember thinking “thank God this is not us” when I would see car and suicide bombings in the news as a child. How the story has changed today! Besides a reputation for online fraud, Nigeria is now also known for religious unrest with associated massacres and bombings, the fear of which is so great that  the Independence Day celebration was shifted from the open square to the apparently impenetrable fortress that is Aso Rock, the location of the Presidential Complex. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on April 25, 2014 in Politik, Uncategorized

 

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When God says jump, we ask how high

When God says jump, we ask how high

Originally posted on Chris Martin Writes:

Life is always changing.

Sometimes, it’s suddenly and without reason. Other times, it’s after many hours/days/months of thought and prayer. We can’t always predict the path our lives will travel. For some, that might be frightening. It’s difficult to do something for so long, and then everything drastically changes.

Last week, God led us to step down as staff members with One7 Ministries. For those who follow my blog on a consistent basis, you know this is huge. We’re talking three and a half years of blood, sweat, and tears being the hands and feet of Jesus to the city of Charlotte. This is a major change for our family.

For the last month, we sensed God was orchestrating a change of some kind for our lives. We never thought it would be this. We didn’t seek the council of anyone other than our Heavenly Father. No one had a…

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Posted by on April 1, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

Zimbabwe: Preacher, don’t spew anti-gay bias

Originally posted on 76 CRIMES:

Emmanuel Makandiwa (Photo courtesy of the Sunday Mail)

Emmanuel Makandiwa (Photo courtesy of the Sunday Mail)

Activists in Zimbabwe are challenging a popular local preacher’s description of homosexuals as mentally ill, including homosexual “politicians, billionaires and big businesspeople whose influence often serves as some smokescreen to cover their mental sickness.”

Prophet Emmanuel Makandiwa of the United Family International Church stated in an article in the Sunday Mail of Zimbabwe:

“What amazes me is that some of these people are billionaires. Some of these people with reprobate minds are in political positions. Now they are passing laws to support homosexuality, defending their reprobate minds. You can’t even advise them against it, they can even arrest you for that.”

It is unclear what country Makandiwa was referring to.  Perhaps he was inaccurately describing European countries or the United States. He couldn’t be referring to Zimbabwe, could he?

Zimbabwe President Robert Mugabe (Photo courtesy of Wikimedia Commons)

Zimbabwe President Robert Mugabe (Photo courtesy of Wikimedia Commons)

In Zimbabwe, President Robert…

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Posted by on April 1, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

Uganda: One Step Forward, Ninety-nine Steps Back

gay ugandaRecently, the President of Uganda was celebrated for choosing to back down over the proposed anti-gay law. However the jubilation was premature: he recently signed the infamous law into being. This law includes life imprisonment for some homosexual acts and prison sentences for people besides the couple who participate in same-sex marriages. Even worse: he apparently had overwhelming support from the country’s citizens who rejoice at a victory over western/unAfrican influences. True to Ugandan form, a local tabloid has come up with names of 200 gay men and women in Uganda although the paper’s online edition did not carry this story, according to CNN. . I am sad and disappointed. The hypocrisy of carrying a Bible/Qur’an yet opposing “western influences” seem to be lost on many Africans. I will admit that there is some high-handedness in the way some western aid organizations decide how aid money is spent (especially on projects that are not that big a priority) and in trade agreements that clearly do not favour the low and middle-income ones, homosexuality will never fall into that category. Rights are rights and seizing the rights of a minority when these rights do not in any way affect how the greater majority live their lives will never be the way forward. This is not even something that any African country should be told by anyone: this is something it should know. Where is the Ugandan Social Justice Department in all this? Incidentally their webpage is offline at the moment.

Enough said.

 
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Posted by on February 27, 2014 in Politik

 

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