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The Melancholy for Can’t-Be and The Nostalgia for Never-Was

White Bouquet by Rotimi Fani-KayodeI met him online. His profile was empty and I was very wary in the beginning but we connected very quickly. He sent me some really interesting pictures – while he was good-looking, he seemed like he’d be comfortable in an office, outdoors or in a psych ward. Very versatile.  We finally met up for coffee and spent a couple of hours just talking. As he was leaving, he shook my hand then held on to my shoulder, rubbed for a minute like he couldn’t let me go and looked into my eyes. I froze. I have never been one for public displays of affection and when it comes to PDAs of the gay kind, I shut down entirely. But when he touched me, right in the middle of a train station, I felt like there was no one else there – only the two of us. I looked into his eyes and saw the longing I felt for him being returned. I didn’t want him to let go either. We met up for coffee many times after that and finally started dating. We both liked each other but neither was in a place where a relationship of any kind was possible, he because he’d recently come out of a relationship where his ex moved to a different country, and I because there are so many things going on in my life now that I am unable to settle down.

While I would never admit to it in public, I believe in the power of connections and would commit to something if I felt strongly enough about it. However like Lady Gaga once said: “If you’re wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn’t love you anymore.” Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on October 20, 2014 in Uncategorized, Love is a Battlefield

 

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If I Have Gay Children: Four Promises From A Christian Pastor/Parent

D.C.:

The kind of parent I wish I could have

Originally posted on john pavlovitz:

KidsFiltered


Sometimes I wonder if I’ll have gay children.

I’m not sure if other parents think about this, but I do; quite often.

Maybe it’s because I have many gay people in my family and circle of friends. It’s in my genes and in my tribe.
Maybe it’s because, as a pastor of students, I’ve seen and heard the horror stories of gay Christian kids, from both inside and outside of the closet, trying to be part of the Church.
Maybe it’s because, as a Christian, I interact with so many people who find homosexuality to be the most repulsive thing imaginable, and who make that abundantly clear at every conceivable opportunity.

For whatever reason, it’s something that I ponder frequently. As a pastor and a parent, I wanted to make some promises to you, and to my two kids right now…

1) If I have gay children, you’ll all know it.

My children won’t…

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Posted by on September 30, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

An Awkward Telephone Conversation

Sex wordleYou know when a one-night-stand who’s left town for good calls you, it’s not going to be a good morning. That was exactly what I was thinking when a man I had spent a lovely night with called me on my way to work, effectively turning an already grey London morning even greyer. After exchanging pleasantries (it’s England after all), he told me he had tested positive for an STI and I should get checked out. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on September 15, 2014 in Mind, Body and Soul

 

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Caution as Anti-Homosexuality Bill Heads Back To Ugandan Parliament

Caution as Anti-Homosexuality Bill Heads Back To Ugandan Parliament

Originally posted on O-blog-dee-o-blog-da:

A cautious response on both sides of the issue and a member of the opposition party speaks her truth

By Melanie Nathan, September 07, 2014.

Members of  Uganda’s Parliament have reaffirmed their commitment to pass the Anti-Homosexuality Act which was recently invalidated by the Constitutional Court on a technicality.  The Act was set aside by the Court last month, because it had passed Parliament without the required quorum, back in December, 2013.  No sooner than its demise, the Ugandan legislators vowed to fast track the re-tabling of the Bill before Parliament and signed a petition calling for its return. Now is surely the time for a more subdued reaction, as hopefully the West will not be tricked again into the political play book of over zealous politicians and a duped God fearing country.

Scott Lively is the Anti-Homosexuality Act of Uganda Scott Lively corrupted Uganda with his revisionist account of Homosexuality and his attacks on gays. he is…

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Posted by on September 9, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

Life Sentences For Aggravated Homosexuality in The Gambia

no gaysJust after reading that the anti-gay bill was slowly making its way again in Uganda, it seems another African country has decided to go down that road.  The Gambia, the smallest continental African country known for its beautiful beaches, friendly people and infamous autocratic ruler Yahya Jammeh (of the ridiculous HIV cure) has passed a law that metes out life sentences for aggravated homosexuality – meaning having sex with someone who has been drugged, a minor (below 18 years), or with an IQ below normal. Currently gay sex in the country is punishable by a five to seven-year jail sentence. While The Gambian President is yet to sign it, I have little doubt that he will, after all this is a man who said on national television recently that : “We will fight these vermins called homosexuals or gays the same way we are fighting malaria-causing mosquitoes, if not more aggressively.” It’s quite interesting that The Gambia does deal out such sentences to men who sleep with underage girls or marry them. According to UNICEF, about 46.5% of girls are married before 18.

I’m not sure what this country plans to achieve with this new law. I’m not sure of the benefit to their president, seeing as he doesn’t have any major political opponents. If it’s to satisfy the Gambian people, I’m certain there other ways to do that besides attempting to control what some adults choose to do in their private lives with other consenting adults.

I keep wondering what I can do as an African gay man to stem this tide of hate.

 

 
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Posted by on September 9, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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“We Could Have Been Famous Friends”

While having a much-needed tea break in a nearby café just before closing, I ran into a friend and colleague I hadn’t seen in a few months. We’d become friendly after we collaborated on project but when the it ended and we went back to our departments, we never seemed to find the time to meet up. It was unfortunate as I enjoyed her company and she was one of the only gay people at work I was friends with. However I wasn’t out to her. She once described me as “the straightest” straight man she knew. While I was amused, I wasn’t sure I liked that description especially the frisson of pleasure I felt when she said it. Did that mean I was completely boring with no redeeming qualities? Was the fact that I felt some pleasure inside mean I was still clinging to the hetero-normative ideas of manhood and had a problem with feminine qualities I or other men possessed? Read the rest of this entry »

 

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Ugandan appeal: Police probe of disputed, alleged murders

Originally posted on 76 CRIMES:

Leaders of LGBT rights groups in Uganda have asked Ugandan police to investigate reports that seven LGBT people have been stoned to death or burned alive in rural sections of the country in recent weeks.

Kampala-based LGBT organizations believe that the reports are untrue.

Logo of the Friends New Underground Railroad

Logo of the Friends New Underground Railroad

The reports came from the Friends New Underground Railroad (FNUR), an organization operating in the United States and East Africa that was founded to help endangered LGBT people in Uganda who wanted to leave the country.

FNUR said that three gay men, two lesbians and a transgender person were stoned by a mob during the week of Aug. 11. Five of them died from the stoning, while the sixth survived briefly until doused in kerosene and set on fire, FNUR said. In a separate incident elsewhere in Uganda, FNUR said, a 28-year-old gay man was attacked by another mob…

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Posted by on August 22, 2014 in Uncategorized

 
 
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